Um, You're kinda Projecting

Don't do that hun

It is no news that for the longest time, women have had to fight for their place in society, for their right to belong in a world that they ideally already belong in by God's design and also fight for their freedom to make choices which is in fact, a fundamental human right.

This human right isn't the only one women have had to fight for, but I don't want to go on a soapbox. Today, we're analyzing choice, the tenets of choice.

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In many parts of the world, some women still do not have freedom of choice, especially pertaining to things that affect them directly and it breaks my heart, honestly. I wish there was more we could do about it, because it seems the online activism isn't working as fast as we expect it to.

I knew I was going to write this someday, but what lit a fire under me was this tweet I saw (and made a Whatsapp post about) a few days before 2025 ended.

The bigger star spoken of here is Simi, the Duduke crooner (amongst many others… she's a talented queen for sure. She recently started writing on here and wow!).

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Concerning this particular issue, I understand the—hmm... Should I say sentiment? Well, I understand the whatever behind it, but I really hate this narrative a lot because it boo-boos on the right of a woman to make her own choice.

The reason I understand is because culturally, when a woman gets married, her professional life is expected to take the back seat due to family responsibilities and child bearing/rearing. Fact. It can be infuriating a lot of times because this is not the case for the male folk. Also fact.

But this premise is pushed a lot, and I get so annoyed by it, because it gives a perspective that these women are helpless to make their own decisions. A big superstar(A) can get married and decide to leave the limelight and be a superstar somewhere else— her home. We love her, we support her. Another big superstar (B) can get married and choose to juggle being a superstar to her fans, and in her home. We love her, we support her.

Superstar A can decide 5 years down the line to return to the spotlight because she misses it. We still love her and support her. She has the right to make her own choices, and—hear me—the right to change her mind. Same goes for superstar B, and for every single woman.

This has crystallized my realization that some women tend to only support other women’s choices when said choices agree with their own terms.

For instance; Cee “hates” men. She sees Dee’s post about never getting married because men are infuriating. She likes the post, leaves a comment “Girllll! Tell me about it. Ew!” and even follows Dee because it seems she’s a girl's girl, she's found an online bestie. Their views align. A few months later, Dee gets engaged and posts a few hard launch pics. Tee feels betrayed, she leaves another seemingly lighthearted comment, “I thought we all hated men?” It feels like another sister has fallen into the hands of the wicked species. It's apparently harder for her to be a girl's girl now. Why am I having too much fun with this?

Moving on from this instance please😂. The whole point of it is, if you claim to support autonomy, you should do it all the way.

Why do some people get so mad when other people's decisions especially career-wise, favour healthy marriages and families? I think there's an underlying issue and it has nothing to do with careers; it is an overall hatred of, and attack on the institution of marriage and it has been the devil's propaganda from time immemorial. Like, it's not even just women, they also say stuff like this about men, just not as much. I can't remember the particular celebrity but I saw a post on Twitter saying the guy “fell off” after he got married, and I'm just like, hello? I was too confused because his career seemed okay to me, pre and post nuptials.

It's never, “Up love o! She got married and nothing else mattered to her but her family.” It's always presented in a way that suggests that a person's potential is not being utilized because they got married or had kids.

You really don’t have to agree with everyone’s decisions or choices. Allow them to do whatever floats their boat, and then you do exactly what floats yours. It’s really that simple.

Stop policing the choices of other people because that’s not your job. You should be busy making your own life changing choices, so that maybe when people see you, they can change their minds and be like you instead, no?

We need to come together as a people and resolve to stop projecting our personal issues or trauma on others. Maybe you decided to choose family over career and you were scathed, that's very sad and I'm really sorry, but it doesn't mean someone else won't be really happy with and find maximum fulfillment in their choice.

In conclusion, it is your fundamental human right to be able to make a choice by yourself, for yourself. Nobody can take it from you, except you let them. You are also free to change your mind. So nobody should hold you at hypothetical gunpoint because of a choice you made that you no longer stand by.

Do you—under God— and everybody else will get with the program or not, but that's not your problem, it's theirs.

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Wow! Happy New Year guys. Glad you're here, still. I'm excited to write more stuff this year. Amen.

I decided not to impose writers’ block on myself this year, like I did last year so, yay me! This piece has been stewing in my mind for months now and I finally made rice to go with it. Anyways, it would be fun to read your thoughts on this, so please share if you're feeling generous.

Thank you for reading. Ciao!